Panic attacks/Fears/Strict Routines

Taylor has really had these to a certain degree for many years.

I don't really know where to begin.

I sometimes would call them "a compulsive disorder" - not that they are bad by no means. I don't know if it is related to having Cerebral Palsy or not; we have wondered that ourselves.

I remember when she was a baby in the car seat; she had a stuffed little red Elmo with a tag on it. She would suck on the tag constantly or if she found a string, she would play with it for hours.

I remember when she was about 4 or 5 - in her bedroom; you could not change anything on the walls. If you tried, she would cry till you took it down.

I remember between 3 and 7 that she had a routine for bedtime - rocking, humming,fan on,door alittle open - it had to be done in a certain order.

There are many more that we have just gotten used to and think nothing of it now.

Even now, she has certain routines that if not done; can throw her completely in a tailspin. When school starts each year; it takes at least 6 weeks for her to be settled.

Taylor has ALWAYS had a FEAR of being left alone. We believe that it is because most kids can run and find you; she can't - she can't walk. She has many fears but that is the worst. Hand in hand with her fears is that she worries SO much. The summer of 2003, she had therapy sessions with our Pastor's wife that helped a lot. It taught her how to "cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." Taylor has used that verse many times and is still plagued with so many worries.

She worries all the time whether Bill and I are healthy and if we are going to be ok. It is Very Very hard not to get her worried either. You have to be VERY carefull what you say around her. She will physically get sick at times.

I have most recently had to talk her through a BAD panic attack while at work. Bill went out to mow the yard which Taylor is very fearful of being alone when he does this, even though he assures her that he will be in to check on her. She called me at work; crying and could hardly breath. It took me about 1/2 hour to calm her down. She was hyperventilating and in a real panic attack. I have never used these words around her for it would only make things worse. Bill came in and saw her and he decided he will not do anymore mowing until I am at home or do it on the weekends.

Then last night we had a bad thunder storm here and the lights went out for 4 hours. Taylor slept on the floor in a sleeping bag - in our room. She had another panic attack and it was hard for her to breath. Neither of us got to bed till the lights came back on at 2am.

From time to time,I will share more when I think of it.